ON SECOND THOUGHT

On Second Thought

Welcome to my second article in a series entitled, "On Second Thought".  These articles deal with life issues that I believe all of us deal with from time to time in our lives.  Sometimes they're personal.  

Today "On Second Thought" tackles the question of 'who is my best friend?'  Just how important is it to be able at any age to call someone your best friend?

I have a survey on my blog site that asks followers: "Do you have a long lost friend that you would like to get in touch with?  Overwhelmingly the answer has been YES!  Maybe for many of us that long lost friend is or should I say was our best friend...or at least we thought they were.

The founder of Facebook has become a billionaire thanks to people asking other people if they can be their "friend".  I mean honestly, Facebook is nothing more than Mable and Gertrude back in the 1950's listening on the party line to other people's conversations. (If you were born in the last 30 years its a different kind of party line than you're probably thinking).  Today's  Facebook friends share such crucial information.  I say that in jest.  I really don't want to be a friend and hear that you just picked your nose or your baby had its first fart.

Maybe...just maybe things like Facebook, Twitter, Texting and other means of "communication" have diminished what it means to have a best friend. I was intrigued to read what a best friend is in other cultures.  In Russia, very few people have the status of 'best friend'.  These friends are entitled to call each other by their first name alone!  In India, having a friendship is a form of respect.  Friends are people who are equal in most standards.

In Central Asia, friends are allowed to give the other a nick name but only one's best friend.

To the ancients, friendship was the happiest and most fully human of all loves.

According to the American Sociological Review, Americans are thought to be suffering a loss in the quality and quantity of close friendships.  The report goes on to say that modern American friendships have lost the force and importance they had in the past.  Can we afford to allow that and still get through life?

My mother once told me if I had ONE best friend that would do.  I thought she was nuts...just one?  

On Second Thought I think she was right.  I had a best friend.  We knew each other from kindergarten all the way through college together. How many people can say that?  He did everything at my house growing up. My parents spent a good amount of time raising and feeding him. When we went to the lake for the weekend he was there. In high school, I went to his wrestling matches and he came to my basketball games. We were college roommates and started on the college basketball team in the backcourt for 3 years.  We could look at each other and know what the other was thinking.  Then we left college.  The end.  NO really 'the end'.  Repeated attempts to reach him have been ignored.  Then by one of those "holy cow moments" in life, I met my best friend's cousin.  He tried to make a connection that was soundly denied. I then had the opportunity to speak with our other best friend who told me, "yep I've tried but he won't talk to me either."  Friends in college have tried...no contact.  

I miss my "Best Friend".  We did everything together.  I'm not sure what happened.  Thankfully I still have my other Best Friend.  If you saw one of the three us you always saw the other two.  It was always the three of us. We both miss the other. We have both tried and tried.

Best friends...life changes people.  Sometimes we don't know why.  As best friends we make every attempt to be there for the other.  Stuff happens.  Best friends don't care.  We love each other no matter what comes down the road.  It's been said that a best friend knows what you do in the dark and still loves you.  The three of us are now in our 50's.  And we've each certainly go down different paths. 

Time, distance and events don't need to separate best friends.  To my long lost friend who lives in Wisconsin think back to 5th grade and our teacher Ms. Miller.  Think back to one of our spelling classes.  She was teaching the three of us and our classmates that day when does "i come before e."  Then Ms. Miller said, "Here's the best example I can give you about this rule.  When spelling the word 'friend' remember that  "a friend is a friend to the end...f-r-i-e-n-d."

On Second Thought maybe my mom was right...