Whose Life Is It Anyway?

I was watching a TV show the other night about this church and its youth pastor I think in Washington State.  It had the usual story line...nice, energetic, enthusiastic pastor with a bubbly, cute, outgoing wife.  The congregation loves this couple.  And then as my grandma would say when she got fired up about something
(and my Grandma never swore) this church went to "hell in a hand basket."  Literally.  I'm not here in this blog addition of LifeWorks to argue theology, who God is, and what He tells us to do.  I have my own convictions about those things as I'm sure you do.

In this true story, I am amazed, but not surprised at what occurs with this church.  The youth minister's wife ends up dying in a house fire while her minister husband got up early, turned on the space heater for his wife (hint hint) and goes duck hunting.  This guy is a slug.  To make a long story short he does the following with members of his own flock:
*He and the church secretary end up having one really weird relationship because God is "talking" to her!  She shares her revelations with the youth minister.  One being that his wife will die.  And then the two of them..well..you know.
*The youth minister convinces a married woman in the congregation to meet him at a local hotel for an ongoing sexual encounter. (Three weeks after his wife's death).  The purpose: To strengthen her 'trust' in God and show it.  uh..OK  She goes along with this line of baloney.  She and her still  husband have been in counseling now for years!
*Hold on for this one.  He has a sexual relationship with his now former mother-in-law after the death of her daughter, once the youth minister's wife!  Her reasoning and I use that word loosely, "to help fill a void in my life and his."  ICK!
*The minister has "closed door counseling sessions" with other women, who it should be noted, believe in this guy and do as they are told.  All after the tragic death of his wife.

You get the picture right?  Those of us who watch these goofballs always end up asking, "How could they fall for this?"  "What were they thinking?"  Honestly you watch these people who were educated, professionals, married, parents, "yadda yadda "as Seinfeld would say.  They look normal, talk normal, dress normal.

So why do people demonstrate such poor behavior?  Why do they commit such stupid acts?  Why do they make such mind numbing choices?  It's not that hard to figure out.

1.  Trust.  "To place confidence in somebody or in somebody's good qualities, especially fairness, truth, honor or ability.  The position of somebody who is expected by others to behave responsibly or honorably."
It was obvious in this story that the assumed trust that this congregation had in its minister was being exploited.  Yep...in his devious mind, the minister was taking advantage of these good people.  But then so did Bernie Madoff.  He made billions on his client's trust in him.  But you see in both cases it was 'blind trust'. People don't ask questions and thus you have 'blind trust'.
Nowhere should anyone be so naive as to be blind to someone abusing and being deceitful for their own gain.  
Any person put in a place of trust will welcome questions by others.  Its those who double-talk and avoid questions we should fear.  It's an automatic red flag!
2.  Accountable.  Responsible to somebody or to something.
You are accountable for you.  You have to live with yourself and the decisions you make.  Investigate don't assume.  Don't play the blame game when you didn't look deeper.  Often times assuming shows a real lack of effort on your part.  You think, "ah come on why wouldn't this person tell me the truth?"  SNAP...the trap has been tripped and you've been caught.
The bottom line is no matter who you listen to or choose to follow in your life, it's up to you to find the truth.  If you don't the consequences you may experience are all on you.  You are accountable for you!

Oh and the youth minister...God called him to prison until 2025.

In my next blog I'll give you a plan on how to keep you're life in balance and moving forward.  It's about choices...your choices for the life you're living.  Trust me.

What Others Think of You...

...Is None of Your Business!
If having others believing in you and your dream was a requirement for success, most of us would never accomplish anything.  You need to base your decisions about what you want to do on your goals and desire---not the goals, desire, opinions, and judgments of your parents, friends, spouse, children, and coworkers.  Quit worrying what other people think about you and follow your heart.


I like Dr. Daniel Amen's 18/40/60 Rule:  "When you're 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when your 40, you don't give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you're 60, you realize nobody's been thinking about you at all."


Surprise, Surprise!  Most of the time, nobody's thinking about you at all!  They are too busy worrying about their own lives, and if they are thinking about you at all, they are wondering what you are thinking about them.  People think about themselves, not you.


Think about it---all the time you are wasting worrying about what other people think about your ideas, your goals, your clothes, your hair, and your home could all be better spent on thinking about and doing the things that will achieve your goals!


"You have to believe in yourself when no one else does.  That's what makes you a winner."

Don't Take No For An Answer-

In 1947, Lester Wunderman was arbitrarily fired from his advertising job in New York.  But the young man felt he still had a lot to learn from the head of the agency, Max Sackheim.  So the next morning Wunderman went back to his office and began working just as he had before.  He talked to coworkers and clients; he sat in on meetings - all without pay.
Sackheim ignored him for a month.  When the month was over, the temperamental Sackheim walked up to Wunderman.  "Okay you win," he said, shaking his head.  "I never saw a man who wanted a job more than he wanted the money."
That kind of persistence and an inclination toward action paid off for Wunderman.  He went on to be one of the most successful advertising men of the century and is known as the father of direct marketing.  He is credited with having invented pre-printed newspaper inserts, bound-in subscription cards for magazines, and subscription clubs such as those used by Time-Life Books and the Columbia Record Club.
Advertising may not be your thing, but action must be.  What are you willing to do to achieve your dream?  What are you willing to do even if you must do it for free?  Success begins at the beginning.  And it continues with consistent action.

Action Steps

1. You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.

2. The first two letters in the word goal are G-O.

3. Some people dream of worthy accomplishments while others wake up and do them.

4. Anybody who brags about what he is going to do tomorrow probably did the same thing yesterday.

5. People will never be what they ought to be until they are doing what they ought to be doing.

Think About It...

How many times have you started a conversation with, "How you doin'?"  And what's the answer?  You know...somewhere in the response will be the word "busy".  Have you noticed how 'busy' everyone is these days.  
Remember when you were a kid in elementary school and the futuristic predictions of all the wonderful devices we were going to have that would save us time?  Uh... OK.
Maybe we need to call a "life's timeout" on a regular basis and spend some quality time with our thoughts.   Thoughts that help keep things in the right perspective.  So sit back.  Take a few moments.  Read these thoughts.  What does your heart tell you?


-Place your hand over your chest and feel your heartbeat.  That is actually your life clock ticking, counting down the moments you have left.  One day it will stop.  That is 100 percent guaranteed, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.  So you can't afford to throw away a single precious second.  Go after your dreams with energy and passion, or you may as well stand back and watch them wash down the drain.


-So what's your life's passion?  What were you put on this earth to do?  The answer to these questions will unlock the great mystery of life; it's as big as they come.


-Why do we try to create our own little worlds so we have the illusion of being completely in control of our existence when we know with absolute certainty that we are not?


- The only theme that resonates throughout the numerous theories of life is love.  Love, in all its fragile forms, is the one powerful, enduring force that brings real meaning to our everyday lives.


-If you ask the big questions and listen carefully to your heart, you will eventually hear destiny calling you.


-Keep in mind that whatever you do, mistakes are a part of life.  So don't waste time kicking yourself for the past.


-It's an indisputable fact that we are all made of the same substance as the most intelligent, creative, magnificent life-forms in the entire universe.  Furthermore, we are composed of the exact atomic matter as the mighty mountains on this planet and the bright stars in the galaxy.  Of course, this is also true for potatoes, snails, and meatloaf - perhaps that's why there's so much about life that doesn't make a great deal of sense.


-Why exactly are you here?  What is it you truly love?  People who don't know ask themselves these questions invariably go through life wondering why it isn't a lot more fun.